#I had plans for stuff on my rp blog but. I'm just dealing with. A lot right now. And the stress dreams are really bad

[nocaffeineforlevi]

Turning off asks, my stress dreams are getting too hard to tell apart from reality and I can credit some of that to social media. Gonna try and limit my presence on here for a little while as well. I'll probably come back in full to sob in terror during the election, but until then, only the occasional sillyposting, probably.

[piningpercussionist]

Formally back for the day I think! Little tired so replies may be slow, but I am free again 👍

[axnewxera]

// I've been deep in thought the last few days about Rufus and his character. I just started this blog and I'm still fleshing out my muse in my head.

So. I'mma dump some of my headcanon on the character, and this WILL affect how I RP him and this WILL get long and ranty.

(I'm sorry if the format is wonky, I'm laying in bed on mobile. Also spoilers of pretty much all FF7 media ahoy)

In the original game (and arguably in different levels in other media since then), Rufus is definitely presented as a villain.

His big introduction in the original game has him giving off this big speech to the party about how his father was too soft on the world with propaganda and narrative control and intended to instead rule through fear and intimidation. He stages a public execution of our party members late in the game. He tries to take Cid's plane instead of reviving the space program. He sent Cait Sith to act as a Shinra spy on our party (or at least was aware of this, as the Turks actively follow Cait Sith's intel). He bankrolled Avalanche to essentially backstab his father! He's very manipulative and deceitful and you can never quite trust him!

But honestly..... Nothing he's actually done has me convinced that he was ever actually a bad guy.

Yes, he SAYS how bad he is when you first meet him in the original. He definitely seems to WANT to be the big villain of the series. But Sephiroth's greater threat to the planet aside... Rufus is just not that guy.

Is Shinra, Inc. evil? Oh hell yeah. Heidegger, Scarlet? Yup. Hojo? LOL

But almost IMMEDIATELY after becoming president, Rufus started suppressing Heidegger and (presumably) Scarlet. Heidegger seemed to be THE dude for President Shinra. The two were very much in alignment in their goals and methods. And Rufus lowers him by berating him and never taking him seriously. Not to mention the fact that he basically started an eco-terrorist group to get his heartless evil father gone.

Even though he starts off saying how little the common people mean to him, his goals from very early on are to protect the world from Sephiroth, and to spearhead the effort to find the Promised Land. Even his execution of Barrett and Tifa is an attempt to comfort the people (and, I suspect, to draw Cloud out of hiding) - but he never seems too upset that they escaped the attempt. Or that Cait Sith remains on the party after his usefulness as a spy was over.

He comes off as arrogant and tricky, he sure does some mean things... but his intentions are noble, and his known tendency to play both sides of any conflict - secretly funding Avalanche, secretly funding the World Regenesis Organization, whatever amazing shenanigans are going on in the remakes with Wutai and Viceroy Sarruf - has me doubting that the "evil" stuff like the execution were even intended to actually take place. He's pulling strings to get people where he wants them.

Rufus can't just SAY what he wants. Advent Children is a good example - his intentions are much more openly "good", but no one believes him and there's all this doubt and "What is he really up to?" that swirl around his character. When it counted, he seemed surprisingly honest, yet it just pushed Cloud away.

If he came out as the president of this huge evil corporation and laid out his noble intentions to the world, everyone would doubt him every step of the way and his plans would never get done. Not to mention the very likely possibility that Heidegger and Scarlet and whatever supporters President Shinra still had would stage some sort of coup against him in that event. He still has to be a Shinra. So he does it to play the game, give the world or sometimes our party a villain to unite against, and get things done.

I also think Rufus sees HIMSELF as a villain, even though his intentions are pure. He's a Shinra, after all, and was raised by his father to be this heartless embodiment of pride and corporation. All that lying and manipulating and double-dealing leaves a mark on the psyche. He is fully comfortable presenting himself as the villain because he believes that's who he is, but he disagrees with his father's goals and methods so much that he actively sabotages himself.

I'm not sure if any of this was the writers' actual intent or if it's just all my interpretation, buuuuuut that's the fun of RP right? Getting to dig deeper and assign your own spin on the character.

[zer0carrds]

hi friends! just wanted to pop onto the dash and chime in.

i have not had the time nor the energy to cater to making resources or doing commissions anymore. when i opened my commissions, i was seriously full of free time and struggling to make ends meet. i started a short term job and it took up way more time than i anticipated, and it exhausted me, but i love my job (like, i'm legit incredibly happy with where at work, who i work with, and the mission of the place) and became a little consumed by it. we were incredibly understaffed for two weeks so i picked up extra hours to the point i was working 12-15 hour days. it's an educational center, so i also had to cover for people who were not there, so i'd be up late at night writing lesson plans for the next morning. it was a lot of hard work, but my supervisor was also very in tune and stepped in before i was over exhausted and delegated my tasks to others.

anyways, my heart just doesn't lie in making resources quite anymore. it was legit something i wanted to do because i had so much fun and i loved seeing people use my stuff, and i LOVED doing commissions and making people's visions come true. but ever since i started my new job, weighed out my priorities and figured out some stuff with my career, i've greatly pushed my resources aside. another note, unfortunately, is while i was gone, i came back to numerous messages begging me to keep releasing stuff, complaining about pricing, name calling, angry that i wasn't active ... which was like, weird to say the least. it didn't bother me much, but it was just annoying and made my interest wane even more.

this webbed site hasn't even entered my brain for the past month or so. it sucks to say the least, but it's nice to have time and money for my real life hobbies instead of just being inside and on a computer all day. also since april, i've fostered a puppy, went on a trip, experienced some insane tumultuous family drama (like i went no contact with my parents for a while), celebrated my two year anniversary with my partner and so much more. i'm just incredibly happy to be alive.

that being said, i will not be tending to my blogs that much anymore unless i end up feeling particularly interested in doing something. psd's, carrds, templates, commissions, etc will be on hold for the forseeable future. if i get the hankerin' to do something, i will, but this is just not a priority for me at all anymore.

i'll be reaching out to those i've been neglecting to communicate with. my ghosting and communication issues the past month or so have been entirely on me and is NOT fair to anyone wanting a commission. to that, i sincerely apologize.

i know i have some broken links for stuff; i will be fixing those shortly. i had some issues with ko-fi and carrd that i have to deal with, and when that gets sorted i'll update all broken links.

thank you all for your continuous support!

TLDR: i will no longer be active in the rp resource community unless i get the itch lol.

[hxdrostorms]

@eternalstarlights has sent: 🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve, 🌵 = a disliked canon character in my fandom,💐 = my favorite part about the fandom, 🌿 = my least favorite part about the fandom

Send me a symbol and I will tell you… [Accepting]

🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve

// Bc this has been happening across several blogs, not just here:

Reblog karma: If you have no plans of sending something back, then the least you should do is reblog them, from the source or look elsewhere in the posts' notes to reblog from.

I'm constantly going back in my prompts tag to delete old reblogs. BUT THERE ARE STILL, complete strangers who dig through it and reblog it from me. Like?????????? That has the same effect as a 'fuck you' in my DMs. It's 10x funnier, if it is one of those blogs with a long ass pinned/rules page. And they still had no qualms in doing this shit. It's not quirky, let me tell you that much.

Notice, I'm not complaining about not receiving asks whenever I reblog something. That's not an issue for me (mutuals/rp partners should only send stuff, when they genuinely feel like doing so, without any obligations). All I'm asking is to not make me feel like, I'm just a RP memes archive type of blog, that's only there to provide writing prompts & nothing else. I may not be the most active RPer, but none of my blogs are abandoned.

This has been a long running peeve I've been having to deal with, for YEARS. And it made a resurface as of lately.

🌵 = a disliked canon character in my fandom

// Hades & his spectres/Judges are overrated as fuck IMO LOL I say as a clown, bc I'm a classic golds dweeb fan. Clearly, I'm not in a position to say what is or isn't overrated.

Jokes aside. It may have been a result of the way I tried watching the classic series (by binge watching the entire thing). BUT when I got to the Hades arc, I got SO mad when I realized they brought back those drawn out battles. Like those were my least enjoyed bits of the early parts of the anime and the Sanctuary arc, meanwhile the Poseidon arc didn't have any of that (which is why I rate the Poseidon arc as my favorite one of the anime adaptation. 15 episodes with NO filler??? HELL YEAH.).

You can say I was already pretty burned, and should have slowed down with the final part of the series. But even then, I don't think that would have changed a thing about my general disinterest towards Hades' servants. Visually speaking to me, they are the messiest and most boring looking characters from the classic series (they only ever wear 1 color and look way too much like a toy, than some form of proper armor).

Rhadama.nthys is the biggest bitch in the club, to me he was the most insufferable. "He is the strongest*tm of all judges." *= only when Hades is straight up cheating and the story feels like unnecessarily drag things out. Reminder that Kanon killed him without any cloth equipped, and he went out the way HE chose to. He literally didn't even have to TRY.

My favorite part of the Hades arc was seeing Kanon wipe the floor, with everyone he crossed paths with. This feels 10x more satisfying, after reading the Destiny & Origins extra chapters.

💐 = my favorite part about the fandom

// I truly mean when I say, this is the chillest community I've been in a long time. Case in point: I haven't felt THIS artiscally inspired in YEARS. I've been doing so many works, I'm literally running an event in the main fandom. I've been brimming with inspiration to do so many things, that goes beyond the RPing aspect. And it has improved my general mental health SO much!

I'm forever thankful for getting into Sts LOL

🌿 = my least favorite part about the fandom

// If you exclusively speak English, you will suffer to find anything or anyone else from this fandom. Which isn't a problem for me at all but, I can see how frustrating or sad it must feel like, you can't get into a community due to a language barrier.

And the community itself isn't exactly the friendliest one towards gringos. Which I mean............ You can't blame us for feeling defensive, when literally every other fandom went down to shit, when things became very American-centered.

Not to start the whole Anti vs proship debate. BUT It is a fact that all antis (ppl who want to be cops/have no qualms with harrassing or policing others/etc.) I've come across are an American, who's way too enthralled in their lil bubble they call world. Then they have a breakdown bc as it turns out, the rest of the world isn't AT ALL like them. And there's genuine pushback/retaliation from the community, against these kinds of whiny bitchass mfers LOL.

Obviously, this doesn't mean the fandom is perfect nor it's an Utopia, where there isn't drama at all. BUT when compared to others, it feels a lot tamer in comparison. Unfortunately, it comes at the cost of coming off as a very closed off fandom, that's centered around overseas things for a change.

[self-indulgent-paw-patrol]

Since there are talks about the Paw Patrol and Rise of the TMNT Crossovers. I actually thought of a Paw Patrol crossover with the 2012 TMNT since they're much closer to that era and also the 12 Turtles are 3D. I actually had an AU idea where Chase, Rocky, Marshall, Zuma and probably Everest were Kraang experiments that were locked up in some lab then onevday the turtles founded them. The pups are half mutants because they weren't fully anthropomorphic in their appearance but they can talk and think like humans. The turtles then saved the pups and became their own pets and companions. In this AU, Donnie created their own puppacks c? (definitely similar to the Paw Patrol show but weren't themed as jobs like in the show. Their tools are almost similar but they got new ones). Then each pup got paired up with each turtle (based on their colors obviously well except for Rocky whose Green but we know that he'd be paured up with Donnie) Everest would be found later and April would adopt her as her companion. Skye, Tracker, Rubble, and Arrby don't exist in this AU.

(Also the four pups have similar weapons as their turtle owners.)

OH. MY. GOD. 2012 TURTLES MY BELOVEDS--

Anon please come back here, that series was what literally taught me to listen/understand English language when I was learning on my own!!! I used to watch every new episode as it aired in English on streaming, no subtitles, it forced me to pay attention to get the dialogues. It also helped me develop my writing bc I used to run Ask/RP blogs on that!!!!! And omg you're TOTALLY onto something there. This story sounds really cool to work with, you had some excellent ideas!

Chase with Leo, just YES. Their personalities just CLICK, they're both natural leaders and watchers. They'd be an incredible duo, both in action and back at home. I can see them watching shows together, playing with Leo's figurines, reading their comics and even playing games!

Rocky and Donnie would be a force to be feared AND LOVED. They'd develop and invent so many cool stuff together! The fact Donnie also works reusing shit he finds in dumpsters and sewers and he's built a bunch of vehicles too, do you see where I'm going with this???

Now for Marshall and Raph, that would be interesting to see. No doubt Raph would learn better to work on his patience to deal with Marshall's constant clumsiness, and Marshall would be an awesome companion and listener to Raph, just like how Raph used to vent to Spike waaaaay back then, and later to Chompy. But unlike Spike and Chompy, Marshall would be able to comment and discuss stuff, working together with him on his temper issues and finding solutions for stuff he's bothered with (or to plan pranks on Raph's brothers and the other pups).

Zuma and Mike? OH MY GOD. Two laid back cool dudes, a surfer and a skateboarder, both being the peak representatives of competitiveness. Zuma would balance out Mike's hyperactivity, while Mike would make Zuma a bit more active. They literally complete each other, I love it!

I can totally see Everest and April getting incredibly along too! Both have a braincell, both use it. Sometimes they forget it at home. April wants to be in the action, Everest would help her with that and keep her as safe as possible, while ALSO joining her in the action!

Will you tell me more about their tools/weapons?? Y'know, for science, as Donnie would say hehehehe

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

Darling anon (i feel a bit less stressed and kinda find that being my tag name kinda amusing to me but it’s mainly to identify as the same person etc.) (feel free not to answer this but this is just a response msg rather than leaving it open so you know I’ve read it)

I appreciate you taking the time to reply and thanks for also understanding, a lot of people might’ve gotten angry over me mentioning stuff like that though I didn’t expect you to as I enjoy the blog as I said, seems like a safe space, and you seem like a kind person.

I also rationalised with myself about how it could just be that as a woman you hadn’t considered anything like that off the bat as you perhaps weren’t used to it, or don’t experience it etc. so it wouldn’t of been actual judgment, just simple inexperience.. though I thought I’d set it straight as well as I also didn’t want to leave you feeling weirded out either and it didn’t sit right considering the intent of the ask was to send get well vibes/check in you’re alright as sometimes people just need that.

(I don’t hate you for role playing a gay guy, anyone should be allowed to RP anything as long as they’re sensitive/respectful to real life people as well, I only would’ve felt unhappy if it was that you RPd a gay character but weren’t understanding/got funny about real life behaviours or more intolerant to irl gay peoples behaviour/speech/all that, just as some women I’ve come across treat real gay people very different to their favourite gay characters, even if it’s positive obviously there’s such thing as positive homophobia as well, and I needed to understand what was happening.)

Hi again dear~, and i know you said i haven't got to answer this-- but, in turn i wanted to do so just so you know i've seen and read your message as well-- (it just took me a bit to reply this time as i was waiting until i had my laptop again)

Anyway though, i'd like to open this reply with a small apology for if i've misinterpreted/misunderstood anything from both this and your last message, given that sometimes my comprehension can be a little iffy-- But aside from that, i'm still glad to hear that you enjoy my blog~ and still think i seem like a good person even if that initial ask gave an impression i wasn't aiming to give--

Seeing as i do try my best to be an understanding person, and even in moments when i might not fully understand, i'll try my best not to treat anyone without at least a little kindness-- (unless they've done something to deserve otherwise, but that's another issue all together--)

And yes i do admit that thanks to both my status as a woman, and in part thanks to my background as well, i may not have as much experience/understanding of things in a gay/queer space-- i again try my best to be understanding about things i may not know much about, and hopefully plan to learn more about these things in the future… I do appreciate you trying to be understanding with me in return about that, though~ and very much still appreciate the good vibes you originally came to send💕

(aaaa i'm glad to know you don't hate me for soemthing like that-- as i agree, anyone should be allowed to rp whatever they like, so long as they're respectful and such to those irl it may deal with or effect-- because i 100% don't agree with anyone who would treat, for this example, someone gay in real life differently than you would any other person-- even if you do so in a way that's seemingly positive, but like you said, instead ends up being positive homophobia-- because to me, regardless of who a person is, so long as they treat you kindly/with respect they deserve the same in return--)

And to close out this ask, i apologize if i didn't touch on all your points-- But for now this is the best response my brain can give me, so i hope it covers things well enough ; w ;" Tough i'll also close with wishing you well, and hoping that you're having a wonderful day~

[justapeskyninja]

☠ ♥ ♦ surrender the tea

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

You gotta be some kind of creep and or evil for me to do so.

Usually you were someone from a previous fandom that was toxic and I want nothing to do with you. I find out you bully and or guilt others. Rarely ever unfollow people for petty things like shipping related stuff or head canons (tumblr savior will save your life I swear), but yeah just try not to be a jerk or creep is all and we're all good.

Oh, I don't like being a plan B. If I reached out to you before various times and you decide you want to rp with me due to your favorite person (we all have one) not being around lately I just don't like being an after thought and then ditched. I put up with something like that for 3 years? (say you wanna do the thing with me but you never follow through when we plan) Finally had enough and just silently unfollowed and blocked them.

Yeah, I have too much patience unfortunately.

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Going for the worse one? Let's fukkin' goooooooooo then!

Happened in the Sailor Moon fandom (I ain't even gonna be lowkey about it.) Fandom use to be filled with drama and so many cliques long ago, but this girl I was pretty decent buddies with outright accused me of sending her hate because she used a blog tracker and since I was the last one on said blog then I must have sent her anymous anon hate because logic.

Gave me a half assed apology after I expressed my irritation and disappointment in her, but doesn't stop there someone I was LONG time friends with online decided to take her side on it and believe all the BS she spewed because she was very much sweet on this guy (did the same thing to a girl that had dated him awhile back too in accusing her of stupid shit and that they couldn't be friends).

Ended a long time friendship (and a single ship between our muses) I really enjoyed with the guy, who didn't want to talk to me nor clear the air about it. Decided to fuck off from his blog because anyone but her and whomever was 'friends' with him could officially kiss his ass. SO, I decided from then I wanted to engage in that fandom anymore. (She has a rap in the fandom now and no one wants to interact with her though these days fandom for SM is pretty quiet far as I know but I'm never in it.)

And that young one is how I met and divorced your father.

Took me awhile to get over it, but with a long standing friend of mind got me through it, so I say fuck all that noise that happened back then.

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Probably should have been filed under worse, but here we go. Got stalked on a blog and the person could NOT separate OOC FROM IC and red flags to show they thought said character wanted nothing to do with them. Had to block them and they kept sending anon related things to me. Eventually I just kinda abandoned the blog cause they would not leave me along with their weird obsession of my character.

On lighter note had someone that liked to just belittle Yuffie in IC and OOC because this girl definitely has no kind of skills, reedming personality and just knows stealing. So, DUH. That is her personality trait. Things I had to deal with in having this muse for about two decades is the unnecessary hate she's gotten over the years. Ya know, up until FF7 Remake makes everyone fine with her.

If you didn't love her at her worse you don't deserve her at her best.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[princesskokichi]

Hi, postgame kokichi anon here, basically just scenarios revolving about Kokichi and S/o in the winter months, watching cheesy movies, cuddling during the cold, watching snow fall, that kinda. I'm just really missing winter rn

Postgame Kokichi and S/O in the winter months

This was very cute !!! I love postgame Kokichi so very much that frankly, I think I’m going to make an RP / ask blog just for him and a character named Yuno Shion. Yuno is just there to voice Kokichi’s inner thoughts most of the time because he himself is selectively mute. But Yuno basically takes the place of S/O. I’ll let everyone know when the ask blog is up for him !

I’ve also tried editing Kokichi’s sprites because he’s 20 in my ask blog and his appearance has changed from the game. - Mod Kokichi

- Kokichi seems to be more agitated in the winter months than in the summer months

- He’s often more restless than any other time of the year, like he can’t sleep

- You figure that it’s about the cold and how uncomfortable it is for him

- But you can’t be too sure, so you just take care of him as normal

- Even though he’s more prone to problems, he tries his hardest to be supportive, too

- He’ll come home extra early just to make some food for you when you get off work

- Because most of the time, you’re the one doing that kind of stuff

- So he likes the idea of flipping the switch and making sure you’re taken care of as well as he is

- Sometimes he’ll get it done just in time and gets so excited to show you what he did

- He’s still pretty bad at being patient and will waltz around aimlessly for a while before he hears the front door open

- After you’re home, you have his attention

- He treats you like you would expect a puppy to if they had a human form

- So it’s really hot and cold for him in the winter months

- Unless he’s having a bad day, he’s very snuggly during the winter

- He just,, simply does not vibe with the cold

- That’s the entire reason, you presume

- Sometimes he won’t even give you in incentive that he’s coming

- He’ll just dive in for your lap because that’s his favorite way to snuggle with you

- That way, you can both do something different and still be close

- He just likes hanging out with his best friend, even the silence is nice

- Sometimes you’ll talk to fill up the silence, sometimes you won’t

- It depends on how you feel

- When he is having a bad day,, he wants you as far away as possible

- And you need to be careful not to overstep your boundaries there.

- On one of his truly bad days, if he doesn’t isolate himself correctly, there will be a massive meltdown in his near future

- He needs that time to recuperate 

- Afterward, he’ll come to you when he’s ready to be helped

- On those days, he’s hard to deal with

- He won’t eat, he won’t leave his bedroom, he won’t change his clothes or brush his teeth

- He’ll just sit in his bed, curled up

- You make sure his clothes are laid out for him and that he has a sticky note on the mirror as a reminder to brush his teeth

- It wasn’t really necessary, he can do the stuff himself

- It’s just a thing you got into the habit of doing that you don’t really plan to stop doing any time soon

- He’s very thankful that you’re there for him

- It kind of makes him want to cry when he thinks about how much you do for him

- So he’ll shower, and brush his teeth, and put on clean clothes

- For you, so you don’t have to remind him every day

- You can always brush his hair at a later date, but those are the things he needs to take care of

- He rather likes when you brush his hair, just do it softly

- If it feels like you’re yanking at his head, he’ll just get up and walk away

- Sometimes that’s what is needed to brush his hair, so you just have to deal with it

- Other times, he wants you to brush his hair so he can have a nice moment with you

- Kokichi’s life isn’t normal by any means

- But he gets to sit on the couch with you while you’re talking and put on a cheesy movie

- Or he can go outside with you when you’re both off and build snowmen

- Either way, life isn’t perfect, but he’s learned to enjoy it.

[mannatea]

Hi. I used to follow your old blog on a different account. Hope you're doing well. Do you have any tips on thinking up stories that are *not* dark and depressing due to subject material? The last story I was working on I had to quit because the backstory I was developing for my passive male character was super depressing. At times I enjoyed researching it, though what won out was the thought I was wasting my time looking into angsty things for something I wasn't even planning to publish. Now I want to write something a little happier. But I have the most experience in writing angst and cringe comedy 😅 thanks for any help you can give. Stay safe out there!

By the way, good on you for dropping that manga you used to follow. I was happy most of the characters lived, but other than that, it felt "meh" to me (granted, I didn't read all the way from the beginning). The author was probably going for a "people will always be fighting each other" theme, but some of the imagery of what happened after a time skip could definitely be taken as pro-fascist. And I was disappointed the protagonist basically said he wanted to bring about destruction! I'm glad I didn't spend any money to read it.

Wow, hi! I’m doing all right, thanks for asking. I hope you’re doing all right, too. :)

As far as “that manga” goes, I’ve kept tabs on it. I’ve been on the fringes for the last two-ish years; I dedicated something like four real life years to that fandom and mostly had a good time while I was there (made some friends I hope to keep for life), so it was one of those situations where I just had to find out how it ended. I realized at some point that I was in a very negative space in the fandom, and felt it was better to publicly drop the series and the blog associated with all of my meta/discussion than to play in what had become a toxic pool for me. I didn’t really want to drop the account after my time there, but I couldn’t have dealt with the nonstop questions/messages/etc that would have piled in over the years, and eh, when you’re done you’re done. I criticize Hallmark television for fun, now, instead. It’s a lot less stressful! And literally nothing is That Deep so there’s very few delusions, at least on the Tumblr side of things. (Reddit, however, is insane, but I don’t post in the fandom there.)

As far as writing advice goes, I am going to apologize in advance for muddled thoughts. I just got out of work and have been staring at numbers all day, so it’s hard for me to think lmaoo.

In my opinion, any sort of character or personality type/flaw/whatever could have developed via a negative OR positive influence/catalyst, so that’s something to consider. I also think people tend to reach for “sad” or “traumatic” pasts either as a way to cope with their own issues/pasts/whatevers, or because it’s the “easy explanation” for why a character is the way they are.

If you WANT to write things a certain way, it’s sometimes a matter of changing the lens through which you’re viewing life, the story, the characters, or character writing in general. This is never easy, especially when you find a genre you feel comfortable in, but it’s always possible. When I was in college and submitted an autobiographical piece (Rot Tooth) for a creative writing final, I received multiple comments from classmates and even the professor that my talent/skill was in writing comedy. COMEDY!!!! I don’t think anyone who has read my writing from the last decade would say that I was a comedy writer. I stopped labeling ‘fics as humor/romance so long ago I can’t even remember when it was. But boom. I had written a comedy piece.

I don’t think I can ignore that most of the comedic elements in Rot Tooth were brought about because humor is one of the ways in which I cope with things, but it was also a very conscious choice I made. I wanted people to be able to engage with the story without being grossed out, without getting bored, without feeling that it was a poor-pathetic-me story, and humor was the classiest way to do it. Here, read this long story that includes journal entries from Ye Olde Livejournal days, but it will make you laugh often enough that the depressing aspects of the story don’t weigh it down too much! It was probably the only way to make the subject matter widely palatable. 

As often as I joke about characters or scenes or moments that “just write themselves” the author does have control. I mostly write fanfiction, so let’s go with examples from that.

I’m (very slowly) working on a ‘fic called Three Years which features a character who, when last seen, was headed off to serve a prison sentence. They haven’t been on the show for three years and thus I assume they have been serving that sentence for the last three years. The story starts when this character is released from prison. They are a woman. This is a historical piece of fiction. Prisons were vile to women and yet...this is fiction. I have a choice. I get to choose. Does she get to start her life off carrying 25 bags of trauma or just 2? It would be unreasonable to expect that someone, especially a woman, who was imprisoned for 3 years in the early 1900s wouldn’t have some issues (at the very least, the isolation would have been awful), but it doesn’t really have to be much worse than that. It doesn’t.

I have the power to choose.

A character has anger issues. Sure, he could have had a traumatic past with an abusive parent who took his anger out on him or his mom or whatever...or maybe it is an inherited personality trait and the parent figure with the problem was never really That Bad about it, but seeing it normalized makes it harder for the character in question to realize it’s a huge problem and part of their character arc is realizing they need to get help, not because they don’t want to be like their dad, and not because they hate their dad, but because they just want to be a better person/they don’t want to let that struggle consume them.

Someone’s sweetheart goes off to war. Guess what? They don’t have to die there to force a traumatic past. They don’t have to come back a raging alcoholic either. Maybe the time apart, and the time fighting a war just puts a natural sort of crack in the relationship by making it clearer to each character what they want in life/what matters to them in their life.

A character is super passionate about their work/hobby. Maybe they have ADHD and it’s a hyperfixation. Maybe they’re autistic and it’s a Special Interest. It doesn’t have to be “their parents ignored them and forced them to be alone all the time and they used this thing to cope so it means everything to them because it’s always been there.”

Maybe you have a character whose greatest fear is losing the people they love. It doesn’t have to be because a pet died in their arms when they were four and it traumatized them. It doesn’t have to be because they only have one person they love in the whole world. It can just be a thing because that’s a valid fear literally anyone can reasonably have, and maybe it’s a bigger deal because they don’t have siblings or aren’t close to many people! (And the “aren’t close to many people” thing doesn’t have to stem from trauma, either. Most busy adults for example who get to choose their friends, are just like that.)

A perfectionist might just have the personality type; it doesn’t mean their parents criticized everything they ever did. A person with three failed marriages might hesitate to fall in love and try again but it doesn’t have to be because those three failed marriages were abusive. A quiet character may just be shy or introverted by nature. 

I think everyone carries some kind of trauma with them, so it’s never unreasonable to have some in a person’s past (you can’t write an ugly character without having to think about the fact that they carry some trauma from what it’s like to grow up ugly), but it doesn’t have to define them. It doesn’t have to overshadow everything else in their past.

You can always ask yourself, “Why am I reaching for angst every time I create a backstory?” Literally everyone has some kind of angst. Most kids were hurt by things said to them in school, for example, or made fun of for some reason. Most people did something extremely embarrassing as a kid and never got over it. There are a thousand little moments in our adult lives that go back to these little points—you might call them the tiny traumas. But they’re not defining. They’re not so heavy they also live in the present. Not all of them.

Why do you reach for the darkest corner? Why not for the light? Or a middle ground?

I encourage people to write basically whatever floats their boat, but it sounds like you’re at a point where you just feel weighed down by that sort of stuff, and that’s not a great way to feel, especially when it discourages you from working on a project entirely.

My final suggestion: look at some of your favorite characters from various types of media. Are they all traumatized? What are their defining characteristics? Black Beauty has some depressing stuff in it, but is ultimately a story with a happy ending. Pride and Prejudice has drama, but nobody’s past is filled with the darkest stuff imaginable. North and South has awful things to consider in it (cotton mills were sooo awful) but the characters are not wildly traumatized people.

What kind of story are you trying to tell? Do the characters need to be traumatized to tell it? Does the story have to be dark to get across the message you want to send? 

Way back in the day, when I was into “that manga” I made an RP blog for a one-off character that nobody gave a damn about. Like, he was so one-off that even back in those days nobody even remembered him having existed. It was sort of a joke RP blog that wasn’t supposed to be serious. The only canon information we had about this character was that he enjoyed drinking. I decided to make him a lighthearted character because the series was pretty dark and I wanted to send people hilarious starters instead of wading through the muck of depression with everyone else’s sad, abused characters. I decided his family was old money and he had a brother. Nothing super traumatizing in his past. Some family issues but not the sort of thing that would haunt anyone. He was not traumatized in his recent past any more than other characters were. Mostly just “a regular guy.” I really loved RPing him. He was fun! The story could get heavy but he didn’t have to be.

Anyway, dive head-first into the dark angst if you want, but if it’s not necessary to tell the story you want to tell, just remember you don’t have to go there. You have the choice.

[suits-of-woe]

I would love to hear more about your DnD character(s)! I'm still such a newbie hehe but I love to hear what others are up to! (Also if you wanna put this on the other blog that's totally cool too) :)

Thanks for asking! I love going off about this stuff. Tagging my fellow DnD players @panhasablog and @illusion-of-death in case you guys are interested. This is very long, I’m sorry.

My current character (like I might have posted before) is vaguely based on Philip the Bastard from King John, but besides name and kind of backstory they don’t actually have that many similarities. My character’s name is Pippa Terrell and she’s a 16-year-old red draconic sorcerer who thought she was born to live a completely normal, down-trodden life as a factory worker (since the campaign setting is vaguely industrial revolution) until the day she got so angry at her supervisor mistreating a young girl that, oops, she set him on fire. Turned out, she had dragon blood, so she set off to try to become an adventurer.

My DM makes fun of me because I play DnD like a total English major and I like to have ~central themes~ around my characters. Pippa’s main theme is an exploration of the idea that power corrupts. What happens when you take a totally unremarkable, genuinely goodhearted but pretty un-heroic girl who’s been powerless all her life and suddenly give her more power than she’s ever dreamed of? Pippa’s magic is mostly fire-based and is volatile and dangerous. She can adapt it a bit to various circumstances, but there’s no question -- killing is what it does best. And being half red dragon (spoilers), her basest instincts tend toward violence and domination, so the few times she has killed someone, she’s been overcome by triumph and ecstasy before realizing what she’d done. But Pippa’s also been the victim of abuses of power all her life, and since she’s down to fight capitalists and eat the rich, she refuses to buy that some people are just meant to have power because they were born with it. Her philosophy is basically “if someone’s gonna have this super dangerous power, better me than somebody else” and she’s determined to prove that she can maintain her humanity and use her magic for good, even she’s terrified that she can’t fully trust herself to keep to that goal.

As for the campaign, the party has gained and lost a few members due to logistics, but her current best friend/awkward father figure is our Tiefling College of Swords Bard. They constantly snark at each other but really care about each other, even if they’ll only say it in emotional circumstances. He was there for her first kill and the trauma that followed, that time she met her red dragon dad and subsequently helped kill him (partially due to a failed insight check that I’m still salty about), and lots more family drama. Currently, the party is trying to defeat four elemental lords scattered across the world using some powerful artifacts they’ve found. Apparently they’re prophesied to be the ones to do this, which Pippa thinks is BS, because again, she’s not down with fate, and really distrusts anyone who wants to enlist her help because of how easily her magic can be used to hurt people. But we’ll see how it goes...

Mechanically, if you’re curious, Pippa is currently Sorcerer 6 (Red Draconic Bloodline)/Paladin 1 (Oath of Redemption) because she recently decided an oath might help her with the whole goal of not turning evil. Her alignment is Neutral Good. She’s a variant human with an Urchin background and I rolled quite high on her stats: STR: 13, DEX: 16, CON: 16, INT: 9, WIS: 13, CHA: 18. Her -1 to arcana checks as an uneducated magic user who doesn’t know SHIT about magic is a constant source of comedy. Between her high CON, Tough feat, and Draconic bloodline feature, she’s the world’s tankiest sorcerer at 74 HP. Her spells are currently: Create Bonfire, Fire Bolt, Message, Prestidigitation, Green Flame Blade, Control Flames (from a magic item), Chromatic Orb, Sleep, Healing Word (from a deal she struck with a god), Scorching Ray, Mirror Image, Dragon’s Breath (which I’m gonna drop soon tbh), Haste, and, of course, FIREBALL. Oh also, she speaks with my bad attempt at a lower class British/vaguely cockney accent :)

And very briefly, I have two other big DnD characters. For my past campaign, I played a changeling Mastermind Rogue named Kez. That was before I was good at RP and character building, so they weren’t super fleshed out, but they were super chaotic neutral, slippery, and non-committal. They also banged a storm giant once. And for my next campaign that my friend is working on setting up, I have big plans for Meriele Tyrvalsa, aka the least Barbarian-like Barbarian I could come up with. She’s a beautiful noble high-elf who smiles constantly, but she got kidnapped by a band of orcs a few years back and proceeded to fall in love and realize, after a century of being repressed as hell, letting loose and raging a bit might not be a bad thing. Until she was forced back to her family and once again became repressed :) as :) hell :) :) :) but that just makes her rage, when it comes out, even more terrifying.

[argyle-s]

Still me. What I'm getting from all of this is that when people love/are invested in someone, they will excuse/ignore all the bullshit that person does, which is wrong and unhealthy. And because there are a lot of them, the rest get bullied for stating facts, never mind having different opinions or get driven out of a fandom which they've been in since the beginning--that was almost me by the way, but my love for Kara and Alex have kept me strong through it all--also equally wrong and unhealthy.

(2/3)

I’m grateful for your bravery in speaking out because I know in my heart that there are a lot of us who share your opinion on Lena’s bullshit, but are either scared of the backlash, have been burned before or just don’t want to deal with the shitstorm sure to head our way. I’m sorry if my asks ended up inviting negativity into your blog. I got here because of your Future Shock series, which I love. I’ve been mainly lurking. I deleted my blog years ago thanks to fandom fuckery as you call it.

(3/3)

I’ve since found that I share your point of view in a lot of things and your opinions to be a breath of fresh air in the sometimes stifling fandom that is Supergirl and couldn’t help, but chime in, mainly out of curiosity, but also because it’s been a while since I’ve had a fandom discussion that’s based on fact and not driven by blind obsession. So thank you for listening and replying. I’m excited for the next Future Shock story–infinitely more compelling than what they’ve teased for Season 5.

Thank you for your asks, and as for any negativity, I honestly don’t give a fuck about it.  I’ve spent a lot of time getting to the point where I just am who I am, and anyone who doesn’t like it is perfectly welcome to fuck right the hell off.

That said, I also don’t really want to act like I’m some kind of brave activist for saying all of this.  I’m mostly just stating my opinions about the show and about what it’s become.  I LOVE Supergirl.  I have loved the character since I was eight years old.  I feel connected to the character in a way I haven’t ever really felt connected to another Superhero, and she means the world to me.  She really does.  Season One had its faults, but it was amazing and wonderful, and Kara and Alex and Cat and Winn and J’onn and Eliza and Leslie and Siobhan and Astra and Max and Lucy hell, even James and General Lane all took me on a journey that I loved.  I really, really think Lena could have been a great addition to the show, the way Tess Mercer (the Smallville version of Lena) was.  I just…  I think they went in a bad direction with her because they don’t really plan out beyond a season at a time.  I really wish, when they put together the show, they had left Ali Addler in charge, and brought in Sterling Gates to head up the writing team.  The man did an absolutely wonderful job on the comic, and he very clearly loves the character more than just about anyone I’ve ever seen in the industry.  Then I wish they’d stacked the rest of the writers room with women.  Specifically Women who have been refuges, queer women, and women of color.  People who could bring more authenticity to the stories they are telling.

I like to think, one of the reasons Future Shock works so well is that I’m writing things I know.  I have a history of trauma.  I have depression and PTSD.  I understand what it’s like to go day to day feeling this enormous weight of responsiblity for something that feels like it’s tipping out of control.  I know what it’s like to be the target of hate and bigotry.  I know what it’s like to lie about who you are in order to survive.  I know what it’s like to want to die.  All of that, I can put on the page when I’m writing.

And I think that might be why I’m more willing to talk about Lena than a lot of people.  Because I have had someone in my life who is a LOT like the canon portrayal of Lena.  I was with her for 13 years.  I nearly married her.  But our relationship was incredibly one sided, abusive, and toxic, and seeing what I went through, seeing Kara made to apologize the way my ex constantly made me apologize for her fuck ups and her bad behavior…  It pisses me off.  A LOT.

I’ll say that James has some of the same behaviors that Lena does towards Kara, and he doesn’t get called on them either, which is why I’m not any more a fan of Karols*n than I am of Superc*rp.

Honestly, I miss season one fandom.  It wasn’t perfect.  The people dumping on the Kalex shippers, and the Kalex/Supercat ship war was frustrating, and there are still people on both sides who are bitter about it, but honestly, it was a lot better than having the 800 lbs Gorilla that is Superc*rp fandom smashing around and shitting all over anyone who doesn’t worship Lena and consider her perfect and without flaw.

Also, please keep in mind that I am perfectly willing to admit that it is just a *portion* of the Superc*rp fandom that behaves badly, but at the same time, I still see reblogs of redkrypto’s stuff come across my dash all the time, even from Superc*rp shippers who I would otherwise consider not part of the toxic part of the fandom, so there is a lost of tolerance of the shitty parts of Superc*rp fandom by the fandom at large.

And to be perfectly frank, it’s not even *just* the Superc*rp fandom.  The Sanv*rs fandom, and I say this as a women who has produced somewhere upwards of 900K words of Sanv*rs content, has pulled a LOT of shady shit.  And I’m not even going to get into the racism that ran through both the Sanv*rs and AgentR*ign fandoms when Kelly was announced and when she showed up.

I could also get into the transphobia from the Superc*rp fandom that I see directed towards Nia, but that is a whole other rant.

[its-morphin-time-xiv]

TBH, I've always wanted to RP with your Belladonna, she seems interesting,but for quite some time now I've never been able to figure out who, or what, she is? I see a lot of what I'm guessing is the power rangers, as aesthetic posts and I've been trying to figure out how that would apply to FFXIV and its lore? I'm not accusing you of lore breaking, and even if you were it's your choice to play how you want! I'm merely just curious how she fits into the FFXIV world and what she is about. Help me?

Hello Anon! I’m actually really glad you asked, I know with how vague the blog itself is in regards to everything like who, or what she is. And quite frankly, Tags on posts aren’t helping either. The concerns or at the very least, curiosity in regards as to how “Power Rangers” fits into FFXIV Lore and the universe itself are entirely understandable, and I’m always more than willing to explain the reasoning as to why its here, or even how!

I’m more than willing to help explain things in a more clear and concise manner, now with that, please bear in mind that this post might be a touch lengthy, but I hope you understand and that this isn’t something that can be explained with full-clarity without getting down and dirty. I hope that by the end of it, some of the fog has been cleared! So without further ado… Let’s get started, shall we?

I’ll go ahead and place everything I’ve got under the cut, I hope you enjoy it!

–

I suppose we can start from the beginning and that, Bella, the initial character concept was created about… maybe two years ago. Three technically if you just count how long this blog has been standing. Initially, Bella is (was) a Thavnairian blooded hyur. Or rather, for a bit more clarification, is from an Island near Thavnair that could be and is considered part of the island.

Now that we’ve gotten an… okay grasp as to how long I’ve been working on this, we can properly start with things, like where she’s from, then we’ll move from there!

If I could place it on the global map we’ve been given of three continents it would be placed around here, right under the span of clouds within the red circle. 

Around there is a fairly good estimate of where I’ve placed the island she’s from, that island being “Gisana” (Yeah, totally original with names, i’m great.) [Not Really] Now, Gisana borrows very basic culture concepts of what Thavnair is, I use Morocco mixed with my own culture, which is Filipino. It’s bit of a homebrew, yes. I take influences from what we know, what we’ve been given, then I slip my own to fill in what gaps I need filled, if that makes any sense. 

Now, the island itself is a moderate size, nothing too extreme or anything like that. If anything? It’s about the size of one of the islands there, circled in blue. The island is surrounded by a maelstrom of whirlpools and actual maelstroms due to the unfortunate blend of the waters of The Bounty, and the Dorvos Narrow. Those two create fairly poor conditions for an island’s existence, so much so that the island lays in the ‘eye’ of an ever churning storm. 

Something I could equate it to visually, was the storm that surrounded Skull Island in the newest King Kong movie. (If you’ve ever seen that, it’s pretty cool). 

The storm itself on the outside and within the clouds were extremely rough, but any sailor with an actual heading and idea of how to travel through the treacherous waters or pilot grave enough to fly the hurricanes could make it through no problem. But solely due to that, this island gets left off the map fairly frequently, which is why it’s counted as nothing in particular outside from just a natural disaster waiting to happen.

Now the reason why the storm remains seemingly like a permanent constant is due to the fluctuations of the aether in the environment, being so turbulent and visceral. Far more than unmanageable than that of Eureka (The Isle of Val) [At least I think that’s what it was called]. 

Due to the fluctuations, the veil between this realm and the Void is thin, very much like how Eorzea is, except on a much more smaller yet just as dangerous scale of that. This meaning, that incursions of the void are more frequent on the island itself and solely on the island (not counting the water of course). 

That’s unfortunate for the inhabitants of the island, which Belladonna was one of them, as a child anyways. Now that’s essentially the ‘Fanon’ locale of where the Rangers essentially originated from. 

But not quite yet of where a Ranger comes from, per se. In order to do that, I’ll need to divert our attention back to the island, just a little bit. The Island has been present and weathered the passing of the Astral and Umbral eras ever since the age of Allag. And the people of the island have, through this time collected themselves and united to create one settlement, one city for themselves since they could not bear to leave their island home in the state it is. (That and the storm’s a thing too).

While forging themselves a forever home, they raised walls to keep the demons at bay and away from their people. But walls alone do not protect a fortress, so sometime ago, two of the most brilliant minds there sought to create a tool, a weapon, or even a shield of sorts to defend against the darkness that clawed at their doorstep. 

Now I mentioned that the island had been present since the fall of Allag, the “Tek” that the Rangers used are extremely basic in comparison as to what the old Empire had, but it uses old plans and even ideas that they could and would have used back then. Now, I say this because, Nero has a magitek transformation, and Gaius has a powered up transformation too! That only seemed to bolster my idea that or at the very least influence to m that the notion of ‘magitek morphers’ could and would be feasible. 

With this in mind and using it as my springboard, I use it to essentially state that the “Morphers” that they use are inherently modified Allagan devices if not further worked with and attuned for the uses that are needed, in regards to Gisana and it’s constant demon plight. 

Thusly, Ranger (suits) are created via the Morpher itself, first designed outside by an armorer, then the device essentially borrows the design/uses the armor itself and “stores” it within the device. Sort of like Aetherial de-materialization and re-materialization on the spot, via commands of magick incantations and actual magitek innerworkings. Alternatively, you could describe it like they would use a separate method entirely, like how Allagan teleportation nodes work, and it just gets -teleported- onto your person. Either one works honestly but it gets pretty… mumbojumbo at this point, but it’s a fair explanation on things, at least it is from my perspective. 

If that isn’t necessarily as clear as needed, I can further branch upon it, please let me know!

My idea for a city within a wall and the darkness beyond that was pretty inspired by The Last City in Destiny, while the island secluded away, only by natural disaster means was a mix of “Themyscira” and “Wakanda” but also “Skull Island”. More predominantly the latter most than the foremost.

The magitek morphers are also powered by not Ceruleum, but of crystals, more so hypercharged ones. (I am keenly aware of how dangerous that could be in a character/ situation.) But they’re handled on such a far and infantismal level that most characters hardly have to deal with it save for the scientists and Belladonna herself. Crystal shards get reduced and refitted down to be the size of a coin, a “Power Coin”, as it were. Much like how Power Rangers Zeo, Megaforce, Dinocharge, Dinothunder and Lost Galaxy exhibit their Ranger powers and the like. 

I like Lost Galaxy because they use ‘beast spirits’ along with crystals. I akin those to soul essences that are also required to properly use a Ranger’s armaments 

I hope its been clear, or at least a bit more digestible with this explanation! We’ve still got a little more!

So, lorewise this sits a bit snug in with essentially backdrop and background happenings that weren’t really… significant to anything stated already on the timeline. As the Eras passed, the island suffered, but still most encounters go unnoticed or unrecorded at all do to the hostile nature of the island’s environment surrounding it? Or the denizens within the water below. The island itself could and would become what essentially amounts to sailor’s tales, mysteries and myths you’d hear in passing at your sea-side Tavern. 

Sort of like tales of colorful beings in shimmering lights fighting harrowing beasts countless times. Stuff like that! 

Now, let’s take this back to our girl!

(Sorry, I just really love this picture.)

From here and below, if I can recall some writing that could pertain and assist with a bit more contextual understanding, I’ll make sure to link it with bold letters to identify!

But yes, as I stated prior, Bella is a character concept that’s been growing and evolving over the course of the past two years since her first… ‘creation’, in a sense. I suppose its also very important to note that much of her story is very much ‘The past doesn’t stay dead’ kind of thing. Some reading may or may not have figured that from my previous drabbles regarding Belladonna. Essentially, Belladonna, herself has been present and around for a long time now. Fifty or so years at the moment, regarding the Game’s Lore Timeline. 

That being, from an ooc standpoint, I  would run into… rather serious hurdles, regarding my personal life, and to cope, a new concept would be formulated. But I already have trouble playing more than one alt, in regards to RP, i am… poor at attempting it, but I am working on getting better at that. And so, at the time, Balmung was already locked forever™. And I truthfully only had one character to play for a long time. So instead of re-rolling my character and essentially ‘stranding’ myself as it were in regards to RP, I would.. just insert another chunk onto Bella’s timeline. If that makes sense. 

While yes, that is a poor maneuver some might say, it’s helped me, in all truthfulness create very memorable moments.  But that wouldn’t be without my friends who accept my ideas openly, without them? I might not even have this blog anymore. 

But anyways, before I get too far off-topic; Belladonna is a woman who has had a lot of history happen, solely through the past. And what you see now, are mostly new developments and new experiences. I guess you could say, a woman out-of-time, as a possible explanation. 

This, however doesn’t explain why she’s an elezen, and not a hyur, as she started, or even why I refer to her as “Mutant” in my writings a lot. You might be sighing and rolling your eyes, but please allow me to explain just a little bit longer. 

At her very core, she is still a ‘hyur’. But the reason she is an elezen now, is due to a unfortunate mishap during one of her adventures in which a voidal summoning turns hectic as a Succubus sought to inhabit Bella’s body. Her aether signature already being in turmoil and a rough state in general due to an Imperial sub-project that she subjected herself to in order to.. “keep up” and “combat” the things she fights with her comrades in arms.

She happened upon a very small trace and trail of the Empire’s workings through connections she had gained while living in Kugane and of her own brief Imperial service. 

The end result of the use of said ‘project’ gave Bella more drawbacks than features. Having lost all sense of pain, she can push past her would-be limits, even if it means self-harm. Her body wasn’t attuned or conditioned to any capacity for it to handle the testing done, so she now suffers a biological and ‘aetherial’ mutation. Since the project itself deal with matters of using Voidblood and essence to infuse Imperial conscripts / criminals with it for further service of the Imperial Banner. 

Learning to live with these new changes, such as biologically having.. a new spine extending from where your old one, being shorter, looking like wade wilson /after/ project x –

– like that, only y’know… “prettier” and with hair. Mildly like a mix of both Wade Wilson and Marrow, if you’ve ever seen them.

I don’t believe there’s any right to call it living, rather than just calling it suffering, because that’s truly what it was. She received extreme chronic pain from her mutations, and.. essentially she wanted an “out”. This was around the time she started really going back to her roots, her roots being… “Rangers”, and the island. 

Slowly, in time, despite the rather… negative results she had been given during her time home in an attempt to “cure” herself. And.. possibly to a degree, she got better. 

With her already weakened state, she looked to intense and darker means to try and find a way to rid herself of her “problems”. This eventually leading to the summoning and the disasters that came swiftly after. The Succubus, seeing her would-be host in no suitable condition to survive, took liberties and adjusted Bella to her liking. After all.. this is a succubus. The change itself was gradual, a hex on a very slow burn after the situation was resolved, albeit messy. 

Slowly she’d see height differences, skin cleansing but some things don’t go away, like the spine. That would learn to stay and not all of her wounds and scars from testing would disappear completely. So she sought after an ink artist, giving her tattoos that coincided along with her scars, some even masking out the worse ones. 

And now, she looks the way she looks. Tall, and a bit more happy too. 

—

Final Fantasy XIV’s Lore leaves a lot to be user interpreted, even with lorebooks being published. And with the Allagan empire and dark magicks abound, there’s still… lots of room to leave up and open to people to have some creative fun and freedom with. 

Knowing this, and using this, and even using the lines from the book(s) themselves, we can come up with amazing stories and do amazing things. All while still being.. in the relative realm of ‘grounded’ to its roots. 

[Here’s a link to her about page as well on her tumblr]

Belladonna Slater is a very… complicated character, she strives to learn her place in the world once more but also sees the past calling back to her to be a “Hero” again, hero being a very loose term now since she has grown from lawful neutral to that more of a chaotic neutral in response to just about everything that has happened to her.  

But I hope that.. me writing this as an answer to your ask, Anon, that this helps clear the air, if by only a little as to worries and or questions you had. I’d also like to note that this isn’t a complete character breakdown, there are still at least one or two elements of her ‘story’ that could be branched upon and explained if asked. 

If you’d like to know about them, you’re more than welcome to ask me, either through Tumblr inbox for the sake of anonymity or even in Tumblr DMs, Discord is also an option as well. 

I also do have a document that I have written out in regards to Ranger Corps. I can leave that in a link here below as well. However: The document itself hasn’t been edited or revised since May of this year, 2018. So there are revisions and slight edits to be made. I just haven’t sat down with the time to do it yet. But let it not discourage you from reading! 

Ranger Corps - Documents and Information 

Anon, I do hope this writing, both the answer to your ask and this document have been able to assuage some of your worries, or curiosities, rather. And if there is anything else from you, specifically, or from anyone else for that matter, that would like to know more, or have a specific question?

You are more than welcome to come and ping me for a conversation! 

I love being able to talk to new people, and well… I hope you’d like to talk to me too!

Thank you for your curiosity and question, Anon. 

I hope I was able to help.

– M

[alannahaisling]

The day I slipped into a Panic and anxiety attack.

This, this is going to be long winded.

I'm just going to come out and say it. No, I don't want sympathy. This is just me using this particular blog for what it was meant for. A space for me to vent, to be my authentic self. To reflect, to just let things spill out from my mind through my fingers and onto the screen on which you may be reading this.

First things first. The Icons I'll be using here are not rp muns, they are simply my emotions on display. My IRL self as displayed by characters I adore from the Teen Titans fandom.

Ooookay lets get down it.

I help moderate a stream, have been doing it for a while. I became fast friends with the streamer and pull long hours. Roughly 4-5 hours per stream, unless I have class the next day.

To my knowledge, nobody ever had an issue with me. Save the odd person here or there, that may have disagreed with me, but at least they would tell me to my face, and I would shrug it off and move on. It was as simple as that.

My friend, who I love to death, has on more than one occasion had to reassure me that I was actually doing a good job. I lost count how many times I asked if I needed to improve, or if there were any rough areas that may need to change.

A good chunk of the time, they would just kinda raise their voice, and be like. "Damnit, you're good. You're fine." and then try to cheer me up with silly cat pictures. My ultimate kryptonite.

This friend of mine has worked with me for a few years now, talking about deep heavy personal stuff. They know I am medically diagnosed with ptsd, social anxiety, and have been dealing with depression for years. So they're not a stranger to my triggers and I love them for respecting when I need to just be alone, or only want some quality time one on one for a few hours. You hear that you knucklehead? Yeah you, I know you at least read this shit.

Moving on.

On friday, we had a.. bad night of it. Not even an hour in, after happily gathering folks who wanted to play the chosen game with us that night, someone. Who I will call 2P, dumped a huge paragraph, attacking my character and personality as a mod, in my friends private discord DMS.

2P for months, had been telling me to my face, that they saw me as a best friend, that anything I ever said and or did would be safe to do. You know the whole, you can trust me bit. I blindly trusted, and hind sight maybe I shouldn't have.

Meanwhile the entire time, I apparently had been talked about behind my back, negatively for a while? I don't know.

So we paused the stream, and go into another server that's locked down to a limited set of people and discuss it. Friend is, PISSED, but is trying to not yell, and asks me what we should do about it.

In my head I'm just reeling. I'm asking my friend, if I'm a bad mod, if I've fucked up somewhere, I'm totally confused. I can't concentrate, and there's this choking hurt in my chest. One I know all too well.

The feeling of dread. The feeling that I messed up, that I'm useless, and a fraud.

My friend is trying hard to make sure I'm okay, by this point they know, this has fucked with my head. In a huge way. 17- going on 18 years of therapy suddenly going down the drain, spiralling out of control.

They Cut the stream short.

I'm exhausted, tired, feeling beaten. I just say a few things to 2P and leave their discord server, kick them from my private one, and from the one I made for my streamer friend for the game we play with other people. In addition, also a possible person who may cause me issues, because 2P's probably been shit talking me for a few months now.

Friend is arguing on my behalf, another mutual and their friend, instantly demands to get in call. We'll call them... Uh.. Fuck, Tataru , and Estinien for sake of ease. Tataru is having none of it, they are witnessing my typed anxieties. They are hearing our mutual friend, trying very hard to not just *yell*.

2P is dropping the nasty paragraph in other dms now, belonging to other regulars. It's escalating pretty fast. I am now a villain, and a victim in one role, and 2P is also playing the role of victim because my dearest friend just told 2P Off.

"2P, isn't getting it!" My friend is saying with a calm anger. "2P is just constantly going on and on about how (my name) is bad for the stream." Or something to that effect. "They don't even fucking realize how fucking hurtful they are being."

"You need to stop responding." Tataru is saying. "Just, tell the mother fucker, NO and block 2P on everything."

I guess 2P is quickly realizing that they are losing the fight, so they come into my dms. Shit forgot to block them there. I think in my head, and I see them trying to bring the argument to me. They tell me, that I'm handling the situation all wrong.

I don't even respond. I'm tired. I'm just done. I'm mentally slipping back to the days I was mentally and emotionally abused, and gaslit.

GASLIT.

GASLIT!

I block 2P. For my mental health.

Estinien with their calming voice, is outlining streamer etiquette rules. 2P is definitely out of line, as a viewer. If we want, Estinien can pretty much hit up a wider streamer network, and have the name of 2P blacklisted from other communities.

By this point, another regular is talking to my friend asking what is going on. Then another. Slowly, I read through logs my friend has dumped into the 4 person private call.

Then I see it.

"I'll just lie through my teeth to her about why I'm leaving or something. Just don't tell (My name) I said any of this. " In regards to the in game guild My friend and I Co Run.

Silently mutter to myself. Not that the others can hear me, my headsets broken. "Ah, the other shoe has dropped. 2P's been lying to me the whole time. I've been gaslit all over again. No wonder I feel like I do."

Estinien and Tataru get sleepy and go to bed. My friend stays up as long as they can as I sort my head out, trying to timeline events. I'm given logs, screen shots. 2P's been blocked. I lock down my twitter for a day. I lose 20 hours sleep.

I spent those 20 hours of no sleep, asking and apologizing to regulars if 2P has ever talked to them about me. Most of them say NO, and reassure me I'm a good mod, that I make the stream warm, fun, welcoming and comfortable for all kinds of people.

A good friend of mine, who I will ironically call Angellica, because we call each other sis, and I view myself as Eliza from Hamilton. Once had told me to be careful with 2P from the start, because they had a bad vibe about them, is PISSED off, and yeets them out of an in game group chat. "Fuck em, 2P's a troll."

I realize, that Angellica literally stood by and chose my happiness. Cause yeah, I thought 2P was someone I could trust. After what happened though, I realized that I had been mistaken and apologized, To Angellica.

Now 2P is going around seeing who still will consider them friends, or are neutral parties. I was made aware of this because one of them, a mature friend actually asked me what 2P was going on about. So I gave them the run down. They were disgusted with 2P's behavior.

Now a days, 2P takes screen shots of anybody on twitter, that has blocked them and smears their names.

2P still doesn't get it.

But I'm moving on from it.

I have screenshots and logs. But I don't ever plan on releasing them publicly.

So yeah, 2P if you ever come across this, and figure out I'm talking about you, I severed ties with you, because friends don't lie to each other, Friends don't talk behind each others backs, they don't force other good close friends to sit on the *truth* of how you feel. Friends can disagree, and can have different opinions.

But You burned your bridges yourself.

I've always had a three strike ruleset.

One: You lied to my face multiple times.

Two: You pretended to be my friend.

Three: You actively gaslit me, and my friend.

Sooo THAT'S why I cut ties with you. Your behavior after that was just you playing the victim, and none of us 30 plus year olds were just going to sit by and let you have your 20 something year old tantrum.

I bare you no ill will, and I doubt any of us are going to even blast you in an open space like twitter releasing the logs or screen shots. I'm just noping out of this parasocial relationship because that's all it was. I refuse to be used, as a way for people to get close to and use my friend as they work on their passions and goals.

Adieu 2P , nothing was lost the day I walked away, except all the work my friend did to get me out of my isolated shell. But you know what? They'll just pull me back out, and support me 100% You'll never break us up.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

**disclaimer** I am a digital artist but I have no stylus atm and used a free AI to make graphics for my blog for now [Less in a furry way and more in a shapeshifter cursed to only have an animal's head kind of way, what do you mean my eyes look out of place on a prey animal?]

I'm the blogger formerly known as 5c3r3y4h4. I had to change it a number of times due to a cyberstalking incident [not the one you think] and someone snatched up my old URL [for air conditioning??] Hence all the l337 and changing characters! [to avoid google searches for my blog]

I DO NOT vet donation posts, I am not the right person to send them to, I do not have the spoons.

I am the author of 'Animate'... I took a year off to write fic and then the pandemic hit and it's been almost four years of hiatus now. YES I still plan on finishing it. Eventually.

I may also do spontaneous prompts if they inspire something! And I don't mind people leaving prompts in my inbox [over 18 for anything adult in nature, thanks]. I may answer mail directed to characters I own or write for, or just like, if you ask. I would like to write more spontaneously and have a bit more social interaction and fun on here, so don't be afraid to 'ask' me things. It can be fun stuff, RP stuff... [Also if you use the word 'macho' at me in my mail box I might break down laughing and never answer you]. I deal with trolls by chewing on them for enrichment. Sometimes tumblr delays my messages... Sometimes I keep an ask or hate mail forever for emotional support reasons. Sorry!

Writing is also probably only 1/10th or less of what I do! I also do lots of art, draw, paint, build and make things, etc... And one of my main projects that's on pause atm is making a videogame. I stream sometimes, even! On twitch. And I have a youtube!

I do maintain a regular blog here about what goes on in my little gremlin life... I tend to make a post at least once a month.

I'd really like to find people I get along with who are also in their 30's and have similar interests, so don't be afraid to DM me to chat.

.

.

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Animate [anəmət]

For anyone who wants to follow me for my original fiction, namely Animate at the moment, I’ve set up a side-blog to keep it all on one feed, since master posts keep breaking and I keep losing track of the chapters.

Here's the author feed:

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/animate-author-feed

I turned the asks back on for it, sorry.

I also have a game development blog that's currently mostly on hiatus: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/growthengine

Open for donations again. Please specify if it is a donation to help with living costs, a gift, a tip [which counts as income], or payment for a commission [also income], so I can claim things properly! [for my pension, taxes, etc!] Never feel pressured to give me money, and do not donate if you are under 18!

NEW RULE!

We don't sit here and only gender me as "he" and a "guy" the moment it suits your narrative to ignore that I am non-binary and afab [and have at least one intersex condition] to try to position me as representing the patriarchy. I am not suddenly a tantruming incel man, your oppressor, or some kind of predator, the moment it helps you paint a convenient image of yourself as the victim and of me as inherently the aggressor! That's called "malgendering" and is some terfy shit right there, and I'm not playing! Stop treating trans mascs this way! Please be aware that I 0% pass as anything but a GNC 'woman' offline, so -despite my identity- that is -largely- my lived experience! If we're disagreeing and you want to respect my gender identity, that'll be pronoun "daddy" to you, thanks ;)

My health is shit and I am almost always busy doing something or recovering and I am not really social at all sorry!

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

Can I ask something to the people who follow this blog? What sort of rules do people look for on a blog? I know basic ones like what faceclaims you accept or what kind of content you'll rp, but what rules do people really look for so they don't need to ask? I'm just asking because I'm revising my rules page and I don't want it to be vague but I don't know what other rules to put besides the ones I already have,

Hi anon!

Well, depending on who you ask, you could get a multitude of things that could be worth putting in your rules page. Generally, people will all agree on certain ones that are important across the board, but I’ll try to give a run down on what I personally look for in rules, or have had in my own over my RP time. Some are super important, others are more things that are handy to have but not an absolute necessity (Apologies for the length!)

Age of the mun - now you don’t have to put your specific age here, but just an idea of if you’re over 18 or not. This is vitally important, because if you don’t say that you are under 18 and you write smut with someone, you could get them in serious trouble with the law. So always state if you are either 18+ or under 18. Some people, like myself, opt for saying 21+ for extra reassurance.

Blog status - are you mutuals only? Are you private? Selective? Independent or part of a group? Be sure to let people know, because then, it will avoid any confusion if you are mutuals only and a non-mutual approached you to write.

Style - what is your writing style? Multi-para? Short para? Novella? Text-based rps? Do you use icons or gifs? Do you format? And if you do format, are you willing to change things up if your partner is struggling to read your thread?

Your portrayal - if you are a canon blog, are you strictly canon based? Are you canon-divergent? Are you an AU?

Activity - you don’t have to give a blow by blow list of when you will be around, but just a heads up for your followers. Do you study full time? Are you working odd hours? Just a little note to let people know to not expect you around a lot, as then (hopefully) people will be more understanding about long wait times. Also, including your time zone can be helpful too.

Who you are open to - this can be stuff like, do you write with OCs? Do you write with duplicates (if you are a canon)? Once again, this just lays things out on the table to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. Are you open to alternate universes or crossovers? Will you interact with personal blogs? Also, here is a good place to list any faceclaims that you are not open to - for me, I personally only state that I don’t want any actors who have stated they do not want to be used, or people writing as the celebrity themselves. Some other people prefer to have a list of faces they don’t like or have had bad experiences with.

Plotting preferences - do you like to plot heavily or do you prefer to just wing it? This can be a deal breaker for some, as when plotting plans clash, it can result in a partnership not working out too well.

Shipping - what is your stance on shipping? Are you open to all ships? Are you single ship? What constitutes a ship for you? Also a good place to reinforce if you are not comfortable with force shipping (which most people seem to be against, in my experience).

Smut - this and shipping are quite important, in my opinion. Shipping and smut can be a big thing for some people, so if you do not wish to ever write smut, whether you’re underage or just don’t feel comfortable with it, please make sure to state this. I’m sure the majority of people out there would not want to accidentally make you uncomfortable by sending you something smut-related when you don’t want that, so make it clear. Also, do you use read mores for smut threads? And what is your tag for that content so that people can blacklist should they need to (especially important for sexually explicit images, which are harder to ignore than writing).

Trigger-related content - is there anything potentially triggering on your blog? If there are frequent instances of a particular dark topic, then I would recommend a warning being placed in your rules, or on a separate ‘warning/disclaimer’ page. Also this is a good place to list your own triggers or squicks. What are or aren’t you comfortable writing? Do you want them to be tagged for blacklist purposes? You don’t have to list every single thing you are comfortable writing, but the priority here is what you’re not happy to write. Make sure it is clear and concise, as sadly, I’ve had people read into my wording of something I wouldn’t write and found a loophole to write that topic with me.

Reminders - are you happy for people to remind you if it’s your turn? Some people feel anxious about reminding others, so if you’re ok with this, let them know!

There will be more that I have missed, but I’m sure our followers can chime in with anything that I had forgotten. Hope this helps, though!

--- mod Louise